Somewhere between connecting and being in a committed relationship is the “situation.” You know it is an element, but what kind of element is not entirely clear.
Some people love their situation: the feeling of freedom, informality, flexibility. For example, getting out of a long and intense relationship can make a situation feel light and spacious. Others appreciate having time to meet the person they are with before deciding when or if to level up the relationship.
But what if you are not enjoying your situation status? What happens if you crave a deeper connection and the peace of mind that comes with knowing where you stand? Love is not the only emotion that can motivate you to remain in a situation. For many people, fear is the driving force that keeps them committed to a relationship without commitment. Here are some common sources of fear that hold situations.
Fear of Compromise
Some prefer to maintain an indefinite relationship even though they plan to stay with the person because they are afraid of being “bound” by them. They may have witnessed the miserable marriage or the bitter divorce of their parents, and are afraid to go the same way. Or they may have an avoidant attachment style, in which too much closeness can feel suffocating. Others may worry that they will be in an awkward position if their feelings for their partner begin to diminish. For one reason or another, it feels safer to maintain their indefinite relationship status.
Fear of Getting Lost (FOMO)
FOMO can motivate a person to remain in a limbo relationship, which provides a relatively easy way out if they decide they want to look for other options. This factor may be especially relevant in communities such as university campuses where people tend to have many casual dates with little expectation of a continuous connection.
Afraid To Move the Other Person Away
If you want to know what the deal with your relationship is, you can hesitate to ask for fear that your partner will bother you. You may worry that they think you are too “needy” or too dependent. While he prefers to have some clarity, he doesn’t want to risk losing the relationship altogether. This fear can be especially important if a previous partner has been angry with you for trying to talk about the relationship.
Afraid To Ask For What You Want
You can also hesitate to ask for a more serious commitment in your situation because you are not used to meeting your needs. Maybe you’re so used to focusing on what others want you don’t even think about what you need. Or maybe you are only afraid of the other person saying “no” when you ask for something else.
Fear That Nothing Better Will Come
If you are disappointed that your situation has not yet become more serious, you can choose to stay in it because you fear there is no one else for you. Therefore, opt for the company over satisfaction, to avoid the risk of being alone. This factor can be especially important as we get older and begin to worry that we will never have the kind of relationship (and possibly family) we want.
Afraid No One Else Loves Me
A related but more harmful fear is that you are not desirable as a partner, so it is better to maintain a relationship halfway. This fear is almost certainly a lie, but this kind of lies we tell ourselves can be difficult to understand. If it resonates with you, share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust (most likely not with your partner). While this fear is common, most of the time it is not true.
Finally, if you are self-critical for being caught in a situation, try to be easy with yourself. Situations are a product of our time, and they are common enough for people to write blog posts about them! Instead of hitting you, start exploring your fear.
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Tag: Situationship, relationship, dating, mental health, emotional health, Love and Relationships
